Making New Year’s Resolutions from a Place of Self-Love

I am such a fan of New Year’s Resolutions that I’ve been known to go over-board and make ten different resolutions all focused on “bettering” myself in one way or another. But this year I’ve decided to do something different. And, just a few days into the new year, I’m already noticing a difference.

Resolutions can often feel like they are coming from a place of seeking perfection and can lead to feelings of shame when we (inevitably) slip up. So when we resolve to work out every day (with an image of a perfect body in mind) and then miss a workout or notice how far from “perfect” we are looking, it can leave us feeling bad— worse, even, than when we started with the hope and possibility that can come with the blank slate of a new year.

So this year I tried something different. For one, I added self-love to my list of resolutions. I’m trying to focus on being kind to myself, noticing what I’m doing right, rather than directing most of my energy at what I’m messing up. (The brain’s negativity bias, bred as a survival mechanism for our ancestors can be blamed for this, and it’s something we have to work to overcome. Focusing on the good helps us to do this.)

Each year, two resolutions that are invariably on my list are being more organized and eating healthy (in the busy-ness of the holiday season, the wheels normally come off both of these intentions for me— leaving me feeling a bit bloated and far from organized). But this year I added a caveat. I resolved to “clean and organize my home as a form of self-love” and “eat healthfully as a form of self love.” This has already changed everything.

I’ll just say it— cleaning and organizing is not my favorite use of time (though I love the outcome). So it can feel (literally) like a chore and a bore. And, even though it’s always on my list of resolutions, somewhere a few weeks into January, I start to try to avoid it (and then feel bad about that fact). But using cleaning as a form of self-love feels totally different. I’ve found myself stopping while I’m washing dishes and actually ENJOYING it (what?!) when I’m doing it from a place of self-love and love for my home rather than as a quest for perfection. Just last night, I found myself smiling and feeling a huge sense of accomplishment as I rinsed the last grains of rice from my family’s dinner down the drain of my now-clean sink. Normally I would have been feeling kind of put-out about having to spend time cleaning after a long day and making dinner. But not now; not when I am seeing it as a way of extending love toward myself and my home.

And same with eating healthily. I can make it on sheer will for a few weeks or maybe a month (studies show 80% of people give up on their New Year’s resolutions by February 2) when I’m doing it in a quest for perfection. But when I’m eating healthily as a way of loving my body, it feels entirely different (and leaves more room for real life).

Sometimes you may want to eat a piece of chocolate cake from a place of self-love too. And that feels different too! Rather than eating the cake with guilt and disappointment in ourselves, we can just fully ENJOY it— and then get back to eating healthily from a place of self-love. And, after all, eating healthily is not a demand of perfection. It’s completely healthy to dig into chocolate cake every once and a while. And better to enjoy it while you’re eating it than hating yourself for doing it.

What if we tried to love ourselves with our resolutions, rather than set ourselves up for failure and shame? What if you resolved to love yourself through your resolutions? How might it look— and feel— different?